You don’t realize how much pain you’re in

Until your therapist tells you!


Over the last year, I’ve been through all kinds of changes. One of those changes was sort of forced upon me. I’ve suffered from occipital neuralgia for (at least) 10 years. I was diagnosed by a Neurologist and went through months of excruciating deep massage.
Over the years, I’ve kind of learned to adapt to varying levels of pain, slowly creeping up the pain scale.
During the last year of caring for my mother, the demands on my physique (such as it is) seemed to create increasing amounts of pain and fatigue.
My method of coping: Darvocet. I would take one (or two) at night to (hopefully) get a few hours sleep.
My blood sugar levels increasing with my pain levels, the cycle abruptly stopped about two months ago, when, my primary care physician refused to refill my RX unless I went in for a pain management consult.
I did try to get a course of massage therapy, which my insurance provider refused to cover.
I had my first consult with the Physical Therapist last week. Prodding, poking and an odd impersonation of an optometrist (Better this way, or that way? How about now?)
Two hours later, I was in crippling (but not unfamiliar) pain. By the next appointment (the next day) I had recovered and was ready for another round, when I got---the exercises. Ow…oh my aching…everything!
(sighs) OK, I have the weekend to recover. Did the exercises on Saturday and by Sunday, I had this blinding headache (also familiar) which knocked me off my feet the entire day.
Today, I was once more into the breach and now, two hours later, am beginning to recover from the torturous adventure, the young and size 5 “therapists” call “Physical Therapy”.
I am remembering something I learned early on in my life. Suffering can sometimes bring me “clarity” in a way that few things can.
I’ve been abusing and neglecting myself for so very very long.
It hurts me to think that, to know that.
The path of healing is painful (often).
The pain that I’ve been enduring has been effecting my never-ending struggle with my blood-sugar, with my life.
But I sort of feel now, in an odd way….I’m kind of “in Training” (like Rocky).
I’m drinking the gross, raw- eggs, I’m starting to run-walk-crawl up the steps.
I remember Rocky, saying (in Rocky V---the one no one likes) “If you’ve got a strong heart-beat and two fists, you’ve got a chance”.
I’m learning to make a fist, I think.


Until next time:
Eat something wonderful
And live a life worth loving.