Train Wreck
Hi. In serious contrast to the glowing, happy and funny blogs I (usually) offer, I'm talking about things that are going on in
my life with a dry and gritty and critical eye.
First let me say, I'm
grateful for the healing that has occurred and continues to transform my life.
Stating the positive things first: Since my diagnosis of
diabetes in 1997, I've lost 45 pounds, and seem to be still losing weight.
I've lost 1.7 points on my A1C (going down). So that's good.
Now, for the "negative" things.
I'm seeing an acupuncturist for this semi-consistent
headache and stress. Taking Chinese herbs that would make a buzzard barf and trying
to stay on this diet that helps build "fire" in your gut.
Certainly not doing as well on that as I would like.
In the last three months, I had started working with a
"trio" at church, and started (actually) playing my guitar and
singing and (trying) to participate in the music program at church.
We (I) chose a song , specifically for Pentecost Sunday.
We were "placed" in the service on the week that
was actually Pentecost Sunday. There were a number of other events that occurred
that Sunday. The message was
"there's room for EVERYONE's giftedness in our congregation: No one has to
sit on the bench."
This passt Sunday, was apparently the "real"
celebration for Pentecost .
A huge, red
celebration. Lots of music, an amazing production.
Conspicuous by their "absence" in this lavish Holy
Spirit Production? Kim & Walt.
Unhappily, in it's consistency, is the fact that this is not
the first time Kim & Walt have simply been "left out" of thoughts
involving productions: Laity Sunday Day, etc.
Also unchanging, is , when stressors, particularly with
issues involving the church, Walt and I end up fighting with one another most
of the day. Partly because we're the people nearest to each other.
Partly because he's
trying too hard to help me feel better.
On the "good " side of the Tally, we were able to
help dear friends of ours celebrate his 80th birthday. He's vital, and
glimmering and she is amazing and lyrical.
It was an afternoon full of magical moments.
On the negative side of the tally, I'm grieving voluminously
over a "friend" who has left my life. A person whom I've blogged
about. A person who wrote me (us) off because we didn't do what she wanted us
to do for her at Christmas time. Someone who took up profound amounts of time,
energy and resources from my
relationship with Walt. Someone who planted seeds of dissention and poison in
my faith and relationship. I should feel relieved she's gone. Mostly, I feel empty and used.
To top all things off, for months, most times when I've seen
my Pastor, she comments that I look tired.
I've used every concealer to which I can lay my hand. The
dark circles under my eyes seem to be getting worse, rather than better. A dear
friend, whom I know has had the worst three months in her medical history,
broken leg, another broken bone and facing another surgical procedure, is
telling me about my "dark circles." So not only to I feel bad. I look bad.
Not exactly the trials of Job.
Not the worst.
Not the best.
Until next time,
Good Night and Good Luck.
-Kim
